#can’t be precious about engagement numbers!! just gotta have fun <3< /div> Explore tagged Tumblr posts

[puckpocketed]

Hi! weird ask from that anon begging the question if you're lonely. I'm tumblr user odense and tumblr thinks I'm a bot bc I keep vpn hopping so I'll probably come through anon, but I'm real and I dig your style! fun>sad always, let's get silly with it, I love your energy. holding fins and we are splashing merrily through this deep blue internet!

oh, I don’t think it was weird! I like to assume good faith when I can and I don’t think they were implying that I’m sad or lonely (pretty hard to be when most people on here are so nice tbh) it sort of felt like they were asking for themself? (like maybe they’d found it a bit hard or discouraging posting about their guys when no one seems to care about them) and I just wanted to share how I approach that sort of thing. anon if you’re out there come out from behind the curtain !! let’s hang out ! give me brain worms about your special guys too 😎👍

anyway!! thank u for the vibe check 🥹 we are holding fins and hooves and tentacles and sinking into the deep dark bliss of the ocean ! yeehaw!!!!

[tyttetardis]

Miranda Does Christmas - Extra material

(Spoilers about the show…well, sorta anyway)

This might be somewhat unhelpful - I’m pretty awful at remembering stuff clearly- but here are a few notes on Miranda Does Christmas and “teasers” about stuff that didn’t make it into the finished show. Luckily most of the best stuff did, but a lot of little things and a few bigger things were unfortunately cut. 

I gotta say I’m so glad they kept in the Nigel Farage joke - I loved that! Perfect :D I was certain they wouldn’t have kept it in, so that was such a nice surprise! (On the other hand, I used my mental capacity for remembering direct quotes on this, oops)

Anyway, David talked a bit about how Christmas is a very romantic time at their house what with Georgia’s (”my wife’s”) birthday and them getting engaged on that day too.  The audience didn’t “aww” like expected with a story like this (they did with Susan’s engagement story), which was quite frustrating because I was absolutely on the verge of going big on the Aww-ing, but then no one else did and I didn’t want to draw attention to myself. But it really was sweet - just imagine that adorable look on his face whenever he talks about his wife 😍 He looked so chuffed about it :D 

Miranda asked him something along the lines of whether he lets his inner Hamlet out when wearing his Christmas-cracker crown - I’m not sure what his exact response was, but I’m pretty sure it was confirmative - jokingly of course, but still!

Debating whether Die Hard is a Christmas film, begrudgingly conceding that it probably is since it does take place during Christmas. This was probably part of the quick-fire quiz - it seems a bit short. 

They showed a childhood picture of David when he was around 9, I think he said (or that might have just been with the doll - but even then it can’t be too far off) - I don’t know if it’s a known picture, but I had never seen it before. He was sitting on a couch (I think) unwrapping a gift (I cannot for the life of me remember what it was - even though he explained it! Feel like it might have been one of those chemistry or magic sets....or sth like that) or possibly having unwrapped it and holding it tight in excitement - looking up at the camera as you do when you have something far more interesting to get on with! David commented on the complete lack of Christmas decorations in their house - I don’t recall exactly what he said, but I think it was something like “How depressing is that!”. I have such a clear mental picture of this - but for some reason, my brain just won’t translate it into words.

At some point, David responded with “That’s because it hasn’t been Christmas yet” and you could sort of see his face go “oh!” and everybody pretended like nothing, but it got awkward for a tiny second haha, and then they just quickly moved on!

Miranda did a hip-hop song….about 3 times! And then they didn’t even use it! Though I’m kinda glad they didn’t show us waving about with our hands - I was so confused! But it sounded funny :) 

Oh, speaking of singing - they cut out our singalong rendition of Jingle Bells! I guess it was too good - we were quite bad at singing it awfully like she asked us to. But David looked precious meanwhile, so they should absolutely have kept it! 

The Choir also had to do their sequence 3-5 times! So while it was very good, it was a bit awkward having to seem excited about it again and again, but it was quite lovely observing David meanwhile. Tapping happily along to the music :D and singing along a bit too, even though I obviously couldn’t hear it. 

Well it was quite lovely observing him during the breaks throughout the whole thing - seeing him talk and laugh with the others without being able to hear what they talked about, him checking his phone, eating sweets, being instructed on the next scene, getting re-powdered, him sitting just quietly and waiting, his face going lax - he also promptly jumped out of his seat and went to look at the photo above the chimney, face very close to it and so giving us a lovely view of the other side of him :P

When Miranda asked if anyone knew which song was the Christmas number two David went all Hermione - immediately raising a hand in the air, lifting himself from the chair, going all “ I know” - again, I don’t remember what he said precisely, it all happened very fast. But it was quite funny that it turned out David had the wrong answer.

Regarding David not getting the Leela doll, they talked quite a bit more about it and David said his children certainly wouldn’t have to be afraid to ask for something like that ( Well, more like they wouldn't have to be afraid to wish for anything) - if that’s what they wanted they would absolutely get it! (or something to that effect ). Also, do look up the Leela doll from the 70′s :D they should have gotten him that one - then again, he probably already bought it himself :) They showed a picture on the small screen, so I couldn’t see it, but David said sth about it not being the same version he had wanted back then. 

During the reading of the Highway Rat the camera was in front of me in a way so that I could pretty much only see the top of his head, so all I had was just his crazy eyebrow acting the hell out of that piece, which was kinda fantastic! Haha but it was great to see his entire precious face

They recorded the bit with Sam Smith first because he had to leave early, so David did the entrance scene twice (It looks like it might have been the second one they used, he seems a bit loosened up, doesn’t he?), and before Miranda went to do the rap-song David and the others went out again so they could come in later again - David stood and as he walked off the stage he stretched and then looked out at us, shrugging like “I don’t know what’s going on either!”

The telly didn’t do the dancing justice at all! So much better in reality :P No cuts, and full frame! Also before the dancing, Miranda asked them if they had a personal dance-move that they used - and I cannot for the life of me remember what David said or did, I was no doubt laughing too hard, but it was definitely one of those patented David-moves. Not sure if it was him or Susan who talked about having done their dance-moves on many a clubs/nights out, but I think Glasgow came up. I feel like he did the DJ Zig-zag dance move shortly at some point too.

During the first seconds of the pre-recorded clip with Miranda, he squinted at the screen and I think I heard him quip something like “Oh I think I know that bar!” - but I didn’t even notice a bar, so I’ve no idea!

When they sat down to play the car-race game David looked adorably confused and went all “Which one am I?!” - and of course winning the first round anyway. Someone said sth about David being a champion at the game, not sure who, but then Susan upped her game and went all “you’re gonna lose”! They certainly got a bit more into it than it appears on the screen. 

At the beginning of the show, the prompt screen read “Miranda Does Christmas. Not sexually”  - she didn’t use it a first, but it was mentioned later on, and David said she should’ve just called the show that. No explanation.

Concerning planning Christmas dinner with military-precision he said he makes a time schedule and joked about having put aside scheduled time for family fun “15 minutes, go!”. They cut this talk off quite abruptly, such a shame, as it was also very funny.  

It was very lovely the way he hurried over to relieve the choir singer of the stuff he had given her during the “date” immediately after the scene was done. Or, maybe it was right after he was given something to clean his hands with, he looked like he didn’t know what to do with them, and so relieved at being given a cleaning cloth. Either way, it was cute how he bounced over there taking it back. 

The talk about that family log of Susan’s went on quite a bit longer - David was so confused by it and then very interested in learning more! He definitely commented a lot more on the subject than it appears :) I don’t remember the details, but I remember laughing a lot! 

During the breaks, annoyingly, some people in the audience kept (okay maybe it was only like 2-4 times/people) asking if they could get a hug from David, and the audience entertainer then went “David’s pretending he didn’t hear, but he totally heard” which was kinda funny ‘cause that’s exactly what David looked liked - poor guy!

I really hope they release an extended version of this, because I feel like there’s so much missing! Even if it’s just little things - but there was a lot of lovely talking. You almost get whiplash watching the edited version, it’s so rapid. We were there for about 3 hours, so even with the breaks and the repetitions, that still leaves quite a lot of time unaccounted for in this 45-minute show! 

She didn’ ask him about his favourite Christmas song, so, unfortunately, that wasn’t just cut - would have been nice. She also didn’t ask him about a tradition like she did the others - or do the which-of-these-is the-correct-answer... 

[survivormontenegro]

Episode 2: “In all seriousness, I think I’m just stupid.” - Mo

Oop, so Madeline went bye bye without hitch. And Mitch lol sort of popped off a bit which turned out rub some people the wrong way.

Well as long as it doesn’t endanger me, it’s ok. Except for the fact that Michael brought up my name to Julia as a potential target just because we haven’t had good talks.

Honestly tho, talking to Michael is hard because he’s like a robot or whatever. He really is a big blue robot or whatever.

Right now, I think I’m in a good spot to not be that worried on Michael. I’ve got an alliance with Jason and Julia. Though we haven’t solidified a duo or whatever, Jared and I are working together as well probably. I’m getting closer with Ali and Benji and I have had talks of watching each other’s back.

So far the potential targets if we lose are Mitch and Noah. I have talks with Mitch and I think he’s sort of a lose cannon but right now he trusts me I think so yeah. People are leaning towards Noah because he talks the least with people.

But I do hope we win immunity, UgH!! I blame Drew for not putting me on a dominating tribe grrrr where’s the monte Rosa winning streak power when you need it.

AHHHHHH BEEEP BOOOP BEEEP BOOP. This twist sucks. There is a power dynamic that is going on.  Julia, Ben , Ali , and I are in an alliance. Seperataly though. I don't think they are aware of how much strategy I talk with Julia (which is how we want it). It seems Ian Jason are the biggest threats since they are liked and have numbers. BUT I CANT TAKE THEM OUT BECAUSE OF THE TWIST AHDHEUEJIDKD. So it seems Mitch is the target but I can't let Ian and Jason stay too long otherwise I am fucked. It's only a matter of time before they realize what I'm doing and I become a target (maybe even next tribal). BEEEEP BOOP BEEP BOOP

So last tribal went super smooth. Madeleine bye girl, but you were a ticking time bomb and you needed to go. And you also threw MY precious name out to Jared. In my first confessional I said I didn't want you here, and I got what I wanted. Now we are on this round. A puzzle challenge for immunity? Seriously? This has me FUCKED up boo. But I don't know weather to worry or not about tribal council. Last round, after I stirred the pot a bunch for the Madeleine vote she had an elaborate plan to get Mitch out that I myself pressured her into doing. I let Mitch know about her plan and at tribal shit got interesting. He blew the fuck up on the girl. And this was beautiful. It put a target on his back. So I might just be in the clear. His name will definitely be brought up just for that. This tribe doesn't like crazy explosive people (lol me in crossroads). But I also have gotten so far on this idol board, I might have the chance to snatch that bitch up. Lets pray everything goes well for me!!!

I realize in hindsight that im coming off as really mean in my confessional, but it was just like,,, in the moment? Yk??? A more concise version - usually when people like JJ fly high and take control early on, people get mad and they crash and burn really quick. So as much as it might break my heart, I might have to let that happen.

Forgot to mention thoughts on relationship statuses atm: Jules says she trusts me Alex says he trusts me Mo says he trusts me JJ says he trusts me Tom is iffy but I feel like we have a stronger relationship? Especially if he’s closer with JJ (which I personally believe he is) he’ll feed him info that’ll go back to me I have a good relationship with evan for the most part ? We talk on and off but we’re both just busy lol Caeleb my grandson/angel and I have a great relationship - we talk about Pokémon a lot Willow and I are iffy but like a fun iffy And David is the most innactive, but we bond over not talking on calls sometimes

So first things first thank GOD we won immunity I was not getting good vibes from people so I think I would been gone. Anyhoot, I definetly feel like there is an alliance already formed between Tom and JJ for sure and then possibly Jones Jules and lets throw in Alex, Those 5 seemed to be so comfortable and non scrambly this past tribal that im SUS. Going into this challenge wowie a math puzzle, not good for me and it showed! I definitely think we are losing now so I really have to push the vote for like Evan maybe because a bitch wants to stay and he's probably more inactive than I. Listen guys I really want to be on more but as Rihanna said I just gotta Work Work Work Work Work Work so that's that on that. I just hope they let this bitch stay!

Okay so let's get INTO this:

I know that my biggest weakness is the fact that I don't do a great job at times of talking to people. Ever since Day 1 though I've been making a solid effort to speak to every single person on my tribe two or three times every day.

So let's start with the first reward challenge. I tried really hard because I wanted to make a good first impression challenge wise. I feel like if you put in a solid performance in the first challenge, your tribe will be more understanding if you struggle in a future challenge.

As soon as I saw the flag part of the first immunity challenge, I knew that we were going to probably lose it no matter what, and there was strategy behind me wanting to take it on. Everyone on my tribe was already hyping up the fact that the other tribe had that part in the bag, so I knew that if I put in a solid effort and lost, it would be seen as "He stepped up for us and tried hard even though he had no shot" rather than "he fucked it up for us". I had to step on Madeleine's toes and kind of be rude to make sure that I got to do the flag, but that didn't really concern me since nobody seemed to like her anyway?

Now when it came to the first vote of the season, pretty much the whole damn tribe told me they wanted to do Madeleine. I think the fact that she really didn't talk to anyone until she NEEDED to is what played a major part in her elimination. Honestly, I didn't really like her at all LMAO, so I didn't mind seeing her go home.

The fact that Madeleine was already basically screwed and confirmed to go home was great bc it gave me the opportunity to take advantage of that situation for myself and build up my trust/credibility with other people. Madeleine came to me just a couple of hours before the voting deadline with her plan to get a group of people to vote against Mitch and send him home. I basically just was like "yasss I agree that's a great plan sis omg you're MIND". I asked for a list of who her 'numbers' were before agreeing to vote with her, and of course with her being desperate, she had no choice but to comply. Sis sent me a whole ass list of her alleged allies, and I was gagged becuase literally all of them had been shit talking her and saying that they were voting her out ALL DAY.

I took that information to Mitch and let him know about her plan, which gained me some brownie points and trust building with him. And then I went to the people she listed and was sort of like "Hey, I just wanted to let you know that she's going around telling people who she thinks you're voting for". Overall, I think that Madeleine's messiness really benefited me and my connections with the tribe.

Following Madi's elimination, if I had to rank my tribemates in terms of who I trust most to least, it would work out like this:

1) Julia 2) Ali 3) Mitch 4) Jason 5) Ben 6) Jared 7) Ian 8) Michael

Julia, Ali, Mitch & Jason interact with me the most. They always respond when I message them to start a conversation, and they aren't shy about hitting me up and initiating conversations. Ben, Jared & Ian won't really initiate conversations with me, but if I message them first they'll always message me back pretty quickly and engage with me. With Madeleine gone, Michel is now the most difficult for me to socialize with. Our conversations tend to die quickly if I don't put in maximum effort, which is kind of annoying, but I'll keep trying because I relaly don't want to end up like Madi and have everyone vote me out because I didn't try with them.

I'm kind of nervous at the moment with this vote just bc nobody is really giving me names yet? I'm hoping that the reason why is that they are waiting for tomorrow morning and just don't want to throw out names too early. I feel a bit like Sandra in the sense that as long as it's not me, I don't care. I'm not sacrificing my game for ANY of these people. That's what I love about these TS orgs; these people aren't my friends and I don't feel bad at all about sending any of them home LOL.

I'm really hoping to form a more formal alliance soon, but I want to be VERY cautious. I'd rather keep it small with just a few people that I trust not to go throwing me under the bus and leaking shit. An ideal situation would be me, Julia, Ali & Mitch as a strong foursome, but I need to talk to them separately as individuals first and try to figure out if any of them are already in group chats/alliances before I try to pull them into a commitment. The last thing I want is to try to form an alliance with people that are already set in other groups.

Anyway, I'm just going to try to continue being super social and hope that it plays out in my favor. BTW this twist is evil and I despite it, but I'm just going to have to work with it and adapt.

tom was really drunk and messaged me all these nice things so i really want to make him my ally now even though he's messy!!!

Well, today we probably lost the competition. Considering I was 4x faster than my maze partner. Willow doesn't know how to do math. David probably hasn't done his competition.

But in the same light, Evan and I did really well in our competitions. So, who knows? I might actually like to lose a competition. It would be interesting to see if people's heads are actually where they say they are.

I’m so upset, I always get fucking challenges in games that I CAN’T do I don’t know how to do it. Then we talk about our scores and Evan was like oh I did it in a minute but I could of done it quicker if I had a mouse and I’m just like I SCORED 16 MINUTES AND IM FINE BECAUSE I DIDN'T SCORE OVER TWENTY MINUTES.

In all seriousness I think I’m just stupid. Like when I was doing the challenge I was confident. I always go in with a “I’m gonna do great!” attitude and then I hear about how well the others did and it’s like getting hit by a car.

I'd also like to give an update on how I feel about everybody in this game.

Alex seems like he's the person I'd like to work with most, but he also seems the most hesitant to commit to any kind of long term alliance. Jules & Jones are really difficult to tell apart, but they're both lovely people. They seem to be super open to working together, and they both compliment me out the butt hole. Tom is really sweet. He seems to be very easily woo'd by attention and compliments, which shouldn't be too difficult. He's like. Super cute and very fun to talk to. Mo is cool, we share a lot of the same sense of humor, lots of the same references. Its also super comforting that he's also on the same timezone as I am. Evan seems really cool. I feel awful about never responding to his messages on time, which could really hurt my game. Caeleb is so fuckin cute. Like he's just a wholesome lil bean, I don't know how he's going to survive in such a cutthroat game like survivor. Maybe that's his strategy, have everyone underestimate him. Maybe he's scary and spooky. ^ Y'all really got me out here talking like a tumblrina.. Anyways, onto Willow. We seem to have the same conversation everyday and it never really goes anywhere. Awkwardddd. For David, whenever he does go on call, he never talks, and it just becomes this awkward silence, he really brings down tribe morale.

https://youtu.be/71NJ9oc-WrI <- Video didn’t embed

Video afterthoughts: According to Alex JJ seems more interested in the idea of a swap happening and is now turning onto the idea of voting David? I’m gonna actually talk to jules about how they feels tho bc they said they trust me and I wanna like,, show the trust in return? I want them to feel good w me as much as I feel good w them

It seems like me and Julia created the vote once again, and AGAIN it is not traced back to us. Michael is under the impression he created the vote (lol) which is good for us, no blood on our hands. The reasoning behind planting Mitch and Michael as targets into people's head was to see how they scrambled so we could flush every alliance. We now know Mitch and Michael are working together. If all goes well it should be unanimous (if we even had to go to tribal).

We didn't go to tribal the first time around so David got to stick around. I have an odd feeling that we didn't win immunity so tonight will be the actual chance to do so. I really do think it'll be him because he's so inactive and I think its best to keep our tribe active and playing rather than scrambling and weak. Plus I have talked to many people about it so it would be a pretty big blindside if it was someone else and I would be left aghast!

JJ is clearly an influencer in the tribe, and I think he likes me and wants to keep me around and I am perfectly fine being a number in his game. At least for the time being, because at this point that's a strong strategy for me. I think I am making real genuine connections that I can profit from, both strategically but also personally because we have some fun people here :).

okay so this is the end, hold your breath and count to ten. i'm going home. i can just sense it, its my time and i can feel it hap-hap-happenin'. the vote is theoretically noah, but everyone is going quiet so i think its me. my takeaways are that i was too wishywashy, and left myself vulnerable due to my poor social game.

in other news, if the vote is noah i will be SHOCKED. i think we will probs swap too, so we will see. I think it wont matter this is the end, I'm going byebye very very soon rippy rip!

https://youtu.be/KdBeFE1iYWg <- Video Confessional from Day 6

https://youtu.be/ZQZ1ktG2lU0 <- Tribal Council #2 Vote

(Both did not embed)

Day Numero 6; Honestly nothing is popping off in this game for me! So hard to type a confessional because i could be highly naive about my position in this game and i could be getting votes tonight but i have not heard any names except for david once again. 

[musical-chick-13]

In which I live-blog Crazy Ex-Girlfriend

Okay. Here we go.

Can I get more Heather and Valencia this episode? Please?

Oh, Rebecca. So many unresolved father issues.

Wait? Paula made that veil? What a gem. What a fantastic human.

Rebecca, I know you’re SO HAPPY but this wedding CANNOT happen.

I mean, this wedding isn’t going to happen, right?

RIGHT?!?!

YES A DEATH METAL NUMBER THIS IS EVERYTHING I EVER WANTED FROM THIS SHOW

You know Josh, you’re not the brightest, but thank you for recognizing something’s up and that Rebecca’s has done a complete 180 in regard to her newfound idealized vision of her relationship with her father.

You still shouldn’t marry Rebecca, though.

Stop being cute. I refuse to ship this.

Oh, God; she’s said her life is practically perfect. She’s happy. How is this all going to fall apart?

Hmmm…

Oh, God.

Josh is a stand-in for her dad.

No, not like that.

Just that she had abandonment issues regarding her father and that Josh is her way of fixing that. Like, by him sticking with her, she can mentally erase what happened with her dad by making Josh the primary male figure in her life. Just like “A Boy Band Made Up of Four Joshes” in season one suggested-that every guy she dates is just a stand-in for her dad.

This show, guys. It’s so good.

Robert? Who tf is Robert? Was she engaged before? Interesting…

Darryl’s in the stag party, God bless.

REJOSHECCA CHABUNCH DID I MENTION HOW MUCH I LOVE DARRYL

Looks like Rebecca’s not the only one with an unhealthy relationship with her opposite-sex parent. (Lookin’ at you, Hector.)

White Josh is right; last two people who should get married.

WiJo is not into marriage; of course. Kids, yes, marriage, no-Darryl is going to be so upset.

But, you know, actual conflict that couples have to deal with is good, so props on that. I’m excited to see where their storyline goes. And, you know, I think there’s something to be said for not having to “legitimize” a relationship by getting married.

But I also really want them to get married at some point, so…

But, you know, it’s fine. Because I trust the creative team on this show-I trust them in whatever decisions they decide to make.

Wow, I have literally never said that about a show before. Good, job, Crazy Ex-Girlfriend Team. (This show is the best, you guys.)

I love Father Brah. Like, legitimately so much.

Shut up, Naomi; Valencia is great.

“Hootenany.” I’m so glad Valencia’s vocabulary is this way.

All of these guests, but no Trent? I was promised Trent. Where is Trent?

Did she just…pop her foot while hugging her dad? WTF?

Aw, Scott and Paula went together. As much as I don’t like infidelity plots, I’m glad they’re working things out.

Naomi is dishing. It. Out. I wasn’t aware how much I loved her before this episode.

NATHANIEL IS HERE

WHY

WHY IS NATHANIEL HERE AND NOT TRENT

Is he trying to be a Nice Guy ™? Or does he just want approval because he also has father-based self-esteem issues? In either case, he really needs to shut up.

Hmm…accepted to Harvard, Robert happened, went to Yale instead? GIVE ME ANSWERS

Yeah, she’s an enigma because she kept one obviously traumatic event from you, Josh.

He thought….

The dance instructor thinks Rebecca is marrying her dad. Wow. And she finds it funny instead of being freaked out (presumably because a stranger sees an emotional connection between them and she’ll take anything she can get at this point)? Can this show get any more blatant?

My poor, little problematic protagonist.

I NEED. TO BORROW. SOME CASH. WOOOOOOOOOOOW. What a fucking jerk.

No wonder Rebeca has so many issues. Her own parental unit only came to her wedding in order to ask her for some fucking money. God, I hate this show.

(That’s a lie; I love this show with every single atom in my body.)

Thank you, Doctor Akopian. Dr. Akopian is the hero we all need. #AkopianforPresident

Oh shit, Robert the mysterious ex-boyfriend was her TEACHER?! (I mean, she said “I dropped out of your class” and “You said you’d leave your wife,” so I assume…)

Oh, no, Rebecca. You did not drive your father away, you were eleven. You were not a needy child. Someone give this poor woman a hug.

Forget about the past? I do not like this. I don’t trust you, Silas. I’ve got both my eyes on you.

YES TRENT FINALLY

PLEASE SAVE US WITH YOUR MORALLY UNSOUND PLOTS

So, this wedding can’t happen, but I don’t want Josh to be the one to call it off because I know that will utterly break Rebecca.

But I also don’t want Josh to be sad because he’s trying his best.

Yes, communication is good. Thank you, Father Brah.

This conversation is going to be a time.

A REPRISE OF YOU STUPID BITCH

AND VILLAIN IN MY OWN STORY

IT’S A MEDLEY

Okay, this show wins all the awards. All of them. Everyone else can go home.

NO JOSH A GIRL CANNOT FIX ALL YOUR PROBLEMS

YES JOSH RECOGNIZING YOUR ISSUES AND CALLING YOURSELF OUT I KNEW YOU HAD IT IN YOU

Please, talk to each other. I don’t ship you, but you need to have this conversation.

I am actually legitimately scared; I have no idea what is going to happen.

This friendship is so important. Paula and Rebecca, I mean.

HAHAHAHAHA DON’T ASK ME I’M JUST A DUMB COWBOY WHO LIKES WEDDINGS Darryl is my favorite. Like, actual favorite on this show.

WiJo, maybe you shouldn’t argue about it, but you should talk. Discussing where your relationship will go is important for couples everywhere.

Heather’s directness and honesty is everything to me.

JOSH WHERE THE FUCK ARE YOU GOING

DARRYL DARRYLDARRYLDARRYL IT IS FAR TOO EARLY IN YOUR RELATIONSHIP TO CONSIDER HAVING A BABY YOU GUYS ARE PRECIOUS BUT PLEASE THINK ABOUT THIS

Why is this show like this? Why did I sell my soul?

…I hate this.

Josh, no. Don’t just leave. You need to talk to Rebecca. Trust me, it will hurt her less than if you just don’t show up without an explanation.

I am so here for all of Rebecca’s friends being willing to rip Josh apart for abandoning her.

“With someone else, but it’s not what you think?” Is he dead?

WHAT

JOSH IS JOINING THE MINISTRY

…Because Father Brah said it was the answer to all of his questions about life and Josh thinks this will solve his serial monogamy problem.

I…honestly didn’t see that coming.

Oh, no. Rebecca is thinking about jumping. I can’t do this. I cannot do this. I asked for a silly musical show that deconstructed romantic comedies, and I did NOT ask for this.

Aw, she admitted she loved Greg while he was here. This makes my heart happy. They were not good for each other and shouldn’t get back together, but I’m glad she acknowledged his importance.

Okay. So, Robert was her teacher, he broke up with her, she tried to burn his stuff and got tried for arson, and the judge agreed to strike it from her record if she sought mental health counseling. She went to a mental institution and did the whole drug cocktail thing, and that explains why she was on so much medication at the beginning of the show and couldn’t feel anything.

That…makes a lot of sense, actually.

YES PAULA

Oh, God, this is so important. Everyone in Rebecca’s life left her because of their stuff, not because of her. And it all starts with her father walking out.

YES YOU TELL HIM REBECCA

Oh, thank GOD.

“You’re crazy.” “Little bit.”

REBECCA OWNING HERSELF AND ACKNOWLEDGING HER ISSUES HOW LONG I HAVE WAITED FOR THIS DAY

“Have fun flying coach, dick.” Oh, Nathaniel. You know, I just might come to like you.

Destroying Josh Chan. What is she planning?

WAIT WHAT NO

YOU CAN’T JUST END IT THERE NO

I CAN’T WAIT ANOTHER 8 MONTHS FOR A RESOLUTION TO THIS

GIVE ME MORE

Well, at least we got renewed for season 3.

I look forward to it.

And, I gotta say: Rebecca hating Josh is a new dynamic I am beyond excited to explore.

Peace out. This has been a Liveblog No One Will Read.

[because-its-important]

nand2tetris

One of the projects I’m working on at RC is completing Nand2Tetris - a free online course that takes you through the construction of a computer from basic hardware logic gates through running software like Tetris.

why am i doing this?

I’ve been spending a lot of time interrogating my limitations, with the hope that an honest assessment is the first step towards making them less limiting. Now that I’ve wholly decided that a perfectionist fear of failure will not be one such limiting factor, next up on the list is Time Itself. In each day there are a fixed number of hours I can spend tackling a challenging problem before my productivity - both in terms of output and learning - bottoms out. 

So, knowing that quality focal time is a precious resource, why choose to spend it building a computer from scratch?

The Nand2Tetris coursework is well-regarded, well-documented, and has a big community. Even outside of folks at RC, I have friends who recommend the Nand2Tetris course and have worked through it on their own. One friend said that her office was planning on starting a study club for it in the near future. Taking a class that so many others have also engaged with and can vouch for makes it feel more “real” as a project, which is especially important since coursework in general (and MOOCs especially) tends to feel divorced from practical application.

Lower level thinking is a refreshing complement to “normal” projects. So far, one of my best strategies for eeking out a couple more productive learning hours is to take a walk around SoHo, grab a caffeinated beverage that I really shouldn’t be consuming so late in the day, and then switching gears to work on a problem of a very different flavor. It helps to be able to trade in the gnarly headaches that come from higher-level projects - like, let’s say, the sprawling agony that is setting up a node-react-express-pg webapp for the first time - for the more compact frustration of “Why is this damn bit saying 1 instead of 0?”

Overcoming insecurity about my lack of formal computer science training. While one MOOC hardly competes, a big part of my motivation for starting Nand2Tetris stemmed from a desire to get a peek into what obtaining a CS degree in undergrad might have looked like. Proceeding through the course has helped dispel a lot of unhelpful mythologizing.

Right place, right time. “I learned how to build a computer at a programming retreat” just has a certain ring to it, y’know?

what i’ve learned so far

I’ve completed four of the twelve units, which puts me a third of the way through the course content. The most recent unit was an introduction to machine language, so I this week wrote and ran my first ever assembly program. 😊

^ I think this is from a line of exploration when I was trying to make a Full Adder chip from Half Adders, but I can’t quite recall. I was just really happy when I came back to my notebook and found these HA HA HA sketches.

Putting things together hardware first is a fun paradigm shift. For Unit 1, I started by busting out a pencil to chart out chip interfaces and the logic gate components within them, then translating those into hardware description language (HDL). With the basic chips down, Unit 2 has you compose a longer HDL program in order to create an arithmetic logic unit - the chip responsible for performing the arithmetic necessary to operate on bits within your computer.  This is all pre-state, so creating the ALU really banks on your ability to wield an Everything All At Once control flow. Unit 3 introduces time, which you manipulate through building bigger and bigger RAM units and then a program counter that can direct data into and out of those units. In Unit 4 you write instructions in assembly, translate them down to machine language, and then run your first programs. Proceeding from the ground up, the way one imagines computers came together in ~antiquity~, adds some historical drama to what might otherwise be a pretty dry affair.

Recognize what works and what doesn’t; do the former, stop the latter. When I first started doing the Nand2Tetris course, I went about it according to my usual MOOC pattern: I did all the steps in order the best I good, including both reading through the book and watching all of the videos. I ended up finding that I really enjoyed the book, but that the videos were just as likely to confuse me as not - and they felt like they took an age to watch, regardless of how long the time commitment actually compared to reading the book. When starting Unit 2, I read the book chapter first and then said “Eh, can I do this without watching the videos?” and found that indeed, I could, and I wasted a lot less time feeling confused in the process. The only videos I’ve consistently watched from that point out are the project overviews, which directly relate to the assignments and have tips on how to approach them. Talking to other folks at RC who have done the course, other strategies have worked better for them: some people do both, others watch the videos instead of reading the book, etc. I’m happy I’ve found a process that’s been working for me.

Get as far as you feel you can, then look for help. So far, and particularly when designing the chips, many of the assignments in the course have felt like riddle-solving. Once you’ve seen the solution it’s hard to imagine un-knowing it, so working it out for yourself is pretty much the entirety of the challenge. As such, I was disciplined about only looking up answers after I’d worked pretty darn hard to solve the puzzle myself. The three times I’ve been stuck enough to search for examples of passing assignments, I found that I was either a) making syntax errors or b) didn’t realize I had another feature of HDL at my disposal, like decomposing or replicating a single signal across multiple out streams. You don’t learn if you’re too quick to look up the answer, but you also don’t learn if you never get to the answer.

You don’t need to completely understand what you’re doing to be able to do it. I was surprised at how effectively I was able to fly by intuition in a pinch. When I was stumped about how to design a chip I experimented with just doing what “felt right” and it reliably worked. I’ve spent a lot of time undervaluing my intuition. It can be hard to assign worth to a process which by definition resists rationalization, and all else being equal, a more complete understanding of how something works is preferable to hoping your subconscious tosses up something useful when you need it. But, is all else equal when moving forward on intuition helps build out such an understanding? 🤔 I feel like I’ll be digesting this one for a while.

having something to prove

When I first decided to do Nand2Tetris, I remember one conversation I had about it.

“No one will be able to challenge my cred,” I joked. “I’ll have built a computer from scratch.”

I felt weird pretty much immediately after saying that, since a) only assholes are interested in challenging someone else’s ‘cred’ for the heck of it, b) I’m disinterested in being or pretending to be motivated by the opinions of assholes, and c) to the extent that any single person spends time judging me against an arbitrary measure of success, that person is me. I am the asshole!!

So in an effort to not be an asshole, I’m doing my best to remind myself of my own personal appreciation for technological history and the process of distilling abstraction from implementation. Gotta say, internal motivation feels a lot more solid than the alternative!